I Wasn't Always Homeless

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Downsizing they call it.  I knew it was coming, but I had no idea it would include me.  In my mind, I was indispensable to the company.  I had worked there for twenty years.  I made good money, felt good about myself, had a pretty wife and a nice house, and I was an active church member.  We spent money like it was going out of style.  We entertained.  We enjoyed everything that life had to offer.

I received an impressive severance package, but somehow it didn't lessen the shock of being without a job, and eventually it was depleted.  Depression set in.  I became frozen, incapacitated, unable to act or think.  Gradually my wife changed.  She drew away from me and our friends took her part.  Eventually she divorced me--kicked me out.  I had nothing, and no where to go.

I came back to Kansas City to renew old friendships--not to beg, not looking for a handout, just looking for a little networking.  But things have changed.  Old friends are busy with their own lives, their own commitments, not wanting interruption to their normal scheme of things.

"You'll have to drop by sometime...."  This sounded redundant to me, when before them I stood.  So I said, "Sure....ok...."  Was I that way when I had it all?  I probably was.  To really understand homelessness, nothing beats being there.

I drove back to Kansas City in a big leprous-looking old van.  The white base coat was showing where the paint was flaking off.  I got it dirt cheap.  It got me here and I lived in it under the 12th Street viaduct until one day I returned from looking for work, to find it gone.

"Towed away," I was told.  What few possessions I still had were gone with it, along with my place to sleep.  How hopeless can things get?

"Come on buddy.  You need a drink.  I got enough for both of us."

With the half-empty bottle that he gave me, I slept in the stairwell of an old apartment house that night, cold, wet, isolated and a little more than crazy.  I used to believe I could pull myself out of this mess.....now I don't know.

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Photo:  Barney Allis Plaza area in Kansas City

and a homeless man begging from a bus driver